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| Lisa Empanada |
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Lisa:
Who here wants to pass? Yeah, yeah... you heard me right. I am going to GUARANTEE that you will pass. Just bare with me as we try to figure out what passing really means.
Ok, lets get started... Who here has a masculine build? *Lisa's hand goes up.*
Who here is too tall? *Lisa's hand goes up again.*
Who here has a not so feminine voice? *Lisa's hand goes up. Thankful that her hand is speaking for her.*
Who here has big hands, man hands? *Lisa starts to raise her hand, but self consciously leaves it in her lap and in her baritone voice yells out..."HEY! No fair Lisa you are picking on me!"*
So is it true that Lisa can't 'pass' in public? (after that question I am betting my dance card becomes less full) In fact a lot of us girls who say we are passable probably would find many who disagree. Would I write 'passable' in my profile? No, I would say that I am sexy (a state of mind, a projection) I can be beautiful (again a state of mind, a projection) And I would say I am definitely feminine (which is certainly a state of mind and projection)
Sexy, Beautiful, Feminine all traits commonly applied to woman but not traits that all woman apply. So by now you can see where I am going with this. The question is why do you feel you don't pass in public. Do you see yourself as a man in a dress or are you fearful that this is how others will see you? Are you preoccupied with worrying if you have been 'read'? Chances are these are causing you not to pass.
When someone feels that they do not pass its because they feel like they look out of place, unnatural to their surroundings. Looking exactly like a woman is something you can't control, either you have it, or like me, you don't. But you do have control over looking out of place and appearing unnatural. Its all in the projection.
First off mannerisms. We can all, with practice, walk, sit, move, smile, flirt, gesture and in general act exactly like genetic woman. If you come plodding into a club, like some Neanderthal in heels way too high, as if you are trying to carry an invisible watermelon between your thighs, chances are you'll look unnatural, not only to your surroundings but to who you are. There is a flow and a grace to woman. A grace that can only be accomplished through practice and attitude. You must act and think like who you are is what you should be. Others will hear with their eyes what you are trying to say about yourself.
Feeling and acting natural is all that really matters. So right now half the readers are screaming... Rip Off! We want our money back! No Fair! ....Alright now, calm down missy, and cross those legs by the way. I am serious here.
If you want to look out of place then all you have to do is to act in a way that supports that visual. If you subconsciously look down and away and your body language projects insecurity and doubt, most people will look at you and not think Why is that man in a dress?.... but more accurately... Why is that person so uncomfortable in their own skin? Its less likely that they will wonder why you are there, but more likely they will wonder why you didn't keep your insecure flat @$$ home.
When a woman walks into the room she should do so with confidence (not to be mistaken for being flamboyant). If how you look and how you act seems the most natural thing to you and you smile and enjoy the fact that you are where you belong, most people will see that energy and respect your comfort. They certainly won't feel sorry for you. They rightfully will conclude that any prejudices that they may chose to inflict upon you will be a total waste of their time.
Simply put passing in public is acting and feeling natural in your surroundings. Dress as most people around you are dressed, Act according to your environment. If you believe you belong where you are, then so will others. Refine your femininity and project the inside outside you'll live it and they'll get it, trust me.
So passing is all about projecting who you are...with confidence. Am I a genetic woman? NO! I am a Transwoman and I pass as such. We all should be proud of who we are.
"But Lisa, I'm a just a crossdresser and I love club wear and exotic wear, I'll never pass...right?"
No! WRONG! You are not 'JUST' anything. You are 'ALSO' which makes you 'more than', which should be looked at as a huge plus. And besides that you will pass as a person who celebrates his/her freedom. You will pass as someone who is not beholden to the expectations of others. You WILL pass as a spirited individual if you are not afraid to let your spirit shine.
There it is ...that is how we PASS. We proudly present ourselves for who we are and that will get us a passing grade every time. Ooh one more thing, if you are peeing standing up that's not passing and that's not peeing, That's pissing and only guys take a piss. You get a big fat incomplete in this course and have to start over. Girls 'pee' or 'tinkle' and always remember you are a girl, sit while you pee but if you 'wipe' yourself afterward give yourself extra girlie points for taking passing to extremes...lol.
Good Luck and get out there Girls!
I remember the first time I read this and did comment on it where it was originally posted. Lisa has known me from the time I started transition and has been one of my biggest supporters through transition, and was also one of the first to affirm me as a woman.
ReplyDeleteI also remember the first time meeting Lisa in person, and while I had never heard her voice before that day, I couldn't have identified it as male in any way when I did hear it, but then Lisa is the real deal fully female in her words and actions, Not to mention even more beautiful in person than in her pictures.
Trust me Lisa does know what she is talking about, her method does work, but keep in mind it is anything but easy, and requires a lot of dedication and desire to be recognized as a woman the slightest hint of doubt on your part and everything falls apart around you.
Love you bunches Lisa ((((HUGS)))) & Kisses
Lisa what you have written should be part of the tgirls bible and taught in Daily Living 101. Your words are so true and spoken with such casual honesty as though you were speaking to your best friend. I know the advice you give works and it feeds upon itself. The more you practice it the easier it becomes and the more you want to do it. In a very short time it becomes and feels totally natural. I've felt the way you described for years but never put it into words. I'm so glad you did because it needs to be said.
ReplyDeleteOne thing though you must admit that your looks do give you a bit of an advantage. What you say is very true but sometimes as I age I feel it would be easier to pass as a mummy than as a mommy. I think I've garnered all the vanity left on this planet as I desperately look for ways to fight Father Time. I know I am a girl forever but does forever have to come so soon.
Oh and by the way I've been sitting to pee for decades.
Sincerely
reena
we lost Lisa last night September 17,2013
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