Monday, November 3, 2014

Perfectly Flawed - A Guest Post By Samantha Prescott

I have been extremely busy lately and haven't posted much lately. I apologize for that. I do have Awesome friends who are willing to help me out. This post is by Samantha and she's going to let you in on a bit of her life. I hope you enjoy and post your feelings about it here or you can chat about it in our Facebook Group or Page.

Take it away Sami.

Before I go back to the beginning and recant any recollection of when this all stared for me I will start with who I am at this exact moment.

    My name is Samantha "Sami" Prescott and I am a soon to be 50 year old happily married heterosexual crossdresser. I revealed the innermost me to my wife very early on in our relationship. We were becoming very involved quickly and I knew I could not wait another second. I was born into something that I didn't have a choice or say in and my own life experience that who I am was never going to change or just go away, I knew that she needed to have a choice to stay or walk away. I needed to be free of the secrecy and shame that my life has been accustomed, and I owed it to both of us to be honest and upfront to insure that would be a foundation on which our relationship would be built. As a result, one of the hardest decisions I ever carried out in my life, and one of the biggest risks I decided to take, I am very blessed and fortunate to have a supportive and accepting wife who has encouraged me to not be ashamed of who I am. Without understanding she stayed and she has been the one and only reason that I have found acceptance and peace within myself.  Without her support I might not have ventured out from the safety and confines of my home.

    I have been getting out and about for a little over 2 years now and have been working on my head to toe transformation and presentation for about 9 years, but 'I' have been a lifetime in the making. I am non-transitioning and very part time. I am closeted to everyone except my wife and I am not looking to make any drastic changes in my life nor seeking to come out and be full time. I do have a desire to get out a bit more often and know that I want to be able to be active in the community, provide help and support for other like myself, and also make a positive impact on those I interact with along the way.  Going a bit further in my self realization I also consider myself to be transgendered.  I know there is more to all of this than the clothes, I have no conflict with my gender, my identity, or my sexual preference. I do realize there is a duality that exists in me, a feminine aura, and a certain comfort and wholeness that comes with my drive and desire to nurture and outwardly express this part of me that I have hidden and denied for the largest part of my life.

    Going all the way back I could make this very short and say the day I was born I fell right into a pair of panties and took off running. That could very well be but my earliest recollection was when I was probably around 4 or 5 years old. I was in one of my mother's satin nightgowns. It extended way past my feet so there was no chance of running to hide when she was half way up the stairs and quickly approaching. As she is calling I lifted the lid of the hamper and tumbled in to hide. The lid opened right after but the hiding lasted for the majority of years afterward. It was my attraction to silky and satiny clothing and everything that was hidden under what a woman wore underneath the top layer that everyone would see excited me. The feeling against my skin was then and is still now incredible. I don't know why back then at such a young age I was so conflicted that something that felt so good to me was something that made me feel as if I was doing something so wrong. It was also those thoughts way back then that had me keeping all those things to myself.

    Within the next 2 or 3 years I was already into my mother's stockings, bras, panties, girdle's, pretty much everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was already hands on in self exploration before most boys or girls even had a clue as to what the real difference was between the sexes were. I can remember watching "Bewitched" through much different eyes than most children did, unless of course they were like me!

    Elizabeth Montgomery, who played Samantha and who is the inspiration in my name, was just a witch who was a mom and a homemaker on the television show. She was so much more than that to me. She was the essence of woman-ity and femininity, she was everything that I adored about a woman and the thought of what she was wearing under her dress had me thinking way past my mother's lingerie drawers.

    Then there was Jeannie, Ginger, and Mary Anne, the sitcom starlets who I wanted to emulate and larger than life when it came to how I was inspired by them. They were a vision of desire that I saw back then and very instrumental on how I present today.

    Somewhere in that time frame my mother asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween, before that point I was never asked, she just slapped a costume on me and off I went. Well, given a choice the obvious answer was "A Girl" so she borrowed a bunch of things from one of her girlfriends daughter's. Little did I know that I would be in my glory and I certainly did not show it, there I was wearing a cute blue dress with a strawberry pattern on it, a pair of white tights, and a pair black patent Buster Brown Mary Jane flats. I was all anxious to run out the door to go Trick or Treating and my mother stopped me and said, "You're not ready yet".  She pulled a wig down on my head and smeared some rouge blush on my cheeks and said, "Now the girl is ready".  I can remember one  of the ladies that answered the door saying, "Aren't you just the prettiest little girl".  Halloween wasn't the only time I slipped back into that dress. I can say that memory still brings a smile to my face today because I was somewhat embarrassed by it at that time.

    Two of the biggest disappointments after that was the day my mother returned the clothes to her girlfriend and years later when the day came that my feet would no longer fit into my mother's heels. So it wasn't long after that I had to muster up the courage to go and buy my first pair of heels. I also bought a bra, panties, and a matching garter-belt set and stockings which all became part of my first and only purge when I was married for the 1st time at 23 years old.

    I thought that was going to be the end to my secret to never surface again. Not so, it was not long before I was back to dabbling and I decided to come clean shortly before the birth of my 1st child. It did not go over well and was something that was not accepted or supported. Over more than 10 years and the birth of several more children I lived my life secretly, hiding my dressing. I was made to feel as if I were a freak and deviant by my former wife. My dressing was always something that was a sore point and always used by her as a weapon to make me feel ashamed of myself or to belittle me.

    Once that marriage ended and time passed I knew that I could never live that way again and also knew that if another relationship was to develop that I could not keep this part of me a secret. I have always lived my life and existed somewhere between blessed and cursed.

Back to where this story all started. Considering that I and my current wife never asked for any of these things to be a part of our lives, the only thing that I could ever hope for has become a reality for me. I have a wife who loves me for who I am as a person and someone I don't have to feel ashamed to be myself around. Cursed is no longer a part of the equation and as of now I am the closest to blessed that I could have ever hoped for, and a realization that although nothing in life will ever be perfect. I can accept and live with the fact that I am and will always be perfectly flawed.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Sorry I haven't updated in a while.

I'm still around. I've been soooooo very busy lately. I feel bad that I haven't posted much at all. Not even on FB much but i'm there. If you haven't already Please join our Facebook group. Straight Crossdressers & Friends Facebook Group. I do screen the group to make sure there are no bots are spammers. I will send you a message, so make sure you use a profile that is able to receive messages otherwise you won't be added to the group. I'll ask you a question from my personal profile & You will need to respond back. If you respond back in a spambot-ish way...well...i'll keep talking a bit with you and as long as I know you're human and you agree to the rules ( if posting pics they must be appropriate for kids to see cause a lot of my group members have kids, myself included and we don't want our kids looking over our shoulders & seeing porn on our screens...i mean...there are other groups where that is acceptable but Not in our group).

I Love you all & think you are ALL wonderful people!

Here is a Pic of Me, Pirate Pebbs, from my recent trip to Otakon! (Anime convention where I often dress as Me, Pirate Pebbs)

Love Always,
Pirate Pebbs

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Raven couple months ago...

Hi everyone...Looks like I'm still having difficulty posting every week. Anyway,  I went to Raven #20 last weekend and it was über fun (as usual) I got to see some old friends and meet some new ones. I'll link to pics when I can. Started off Friday night. Went to the Bar at the Ramada Inn where they had the meet & greet. The Meet & Greet started out as a small welcome to the 'girls' who came in from out of town so that they could meet some new friends and won't feel out of place for the main party on Saturday night. Fast forward to now and its day 1 of a 3 day event. Day 1: Meet & Greet where from 8-ish PM till 11-ish PM Meeting and greeting happens. I often say Hi the everyone i know & meet people i don't know. I am quite talkative and wind up talking to some people or a person for a very long time before meeting more people and talking for even more time. I usually have a friend or 2 drive up with me on Friday nights but this time I was solo. I kinda liked it because I didn't have to leave early unless I wanted to etc. It was nice. Only thing was I didn't have a designated driver so I had my 2 drinks around 9PM and no more.

then Dancing at 'The Raven' (actual name of the place where the Raven Parties are held) I'm pretty sure Friday nights are 70's or 80's music nights. They have video's that play for most of the songs. Some of the video's I've never seen before.

Okay so this post was from a couple months ago but never finished. Posting it now because.... well its been a few months and if I don't post it now it'll probably never get posted and I need to get it out so I can move on to the next one. Raven 21 was this past weekend so...I'll write a bit about that one next.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Major Fail on my part

I had planned on posting once a week....I failed miserably this year. Thing is I have a new-ish Job and I didn't realize i'd be so drained after working. Not just that, my 10 yo daughter needs a lot of my time & my Sweetie is also time consuming. Tuesday next week is the 2 yr anniversary of my first date with my crossdressing sweetie. He is elated that i've been with him so long and hopes we'll stay together...well...forever.

Anywho I will leave you with this:

Yes...Eddie Izzard!!! That's just the clip w/me. I'll post the full video as well a lil later.

I love you ALL and have not forgotten about you. I have friended a few of you on facebook and many of you have liked our Facebook page and more & more of you are joining our Facebook group! Keep joining, make posts, make friends, and also remember....all ages page, no NSFW pics PLEASE. There are PLENTY of other groups that are all about the NSFW type pics. Thanks!

Pirate Pebbs

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Convo with a CD friend #1 of Many

I was talking to one of my Crossdressing friends the other day. We were talking about clothes, dressing, relationships and such. At some point she says,
*”You are very out there, why can't I be someone like that, loyal and honest and don't care [about what others think about you]?’

My Response: It takes a bit of...well...getting over yourself. I got over myself. Embarrassing things are gonna happen, people are gonna not like some things you do. People are gonna try to put you down, question do you feel about you? Do you like what you do? Do you like who you are?
People come and go, you will be with you all of your life. You should take care of the inner you. The inner you wants to be happy. The inner you likes to dress a certain way and act a certain way. The inner you may want to look different every day. The inner you may wanna dress the same way for a week then totally change up. If you're with someone who can't deal with you being you...well...I don't see how making your inner self sad to make someone else happy will keep you happy for too long.

That was spewed out in the middle of the night when my friend was sleep. Later she responded:

“Wow Pebbles, You just broke it down, But you are right.  I see what you are saying, WE are some [of the] good men out there. Just because we want to dress like a woman doesn't mean we want to be with one or be gay or bi or anything like that.”

Me: Nearly all if not all of the CD dudes I chat with are really nice people & really 'good' guys. If a GG wants to be treated 'right' I highly recommend a CD. If the GG can get over themselves maybe they can find happiness in the arms of someone who just Might look better than them occasionally, lol. A lot of people don't get over themselves till they are way old. You don't see (some)old ladies not doing stuff or saying stuff just cause it might be embarrassing... life is too short to dwell on dumb stuff!

Later, We were discussing relationships again and the GG my CD friend is dating.

Me: I wanna say something which may come off pretty... 'guy-ish' and I'm not talkin’ nice guy... Here it goes. If you think she is your One, you should find a way to tell her you like to dress. If she's not...well...are you ready to drop her in a minute if you do find your 'one' who is fine with who you are?
I totally understand companionship. I didn't like being alone [when I was single].

Their response: ‘Well she’s somewhat one, but what is the one?... I'm 35 years old I don't know what to believe in that aspect. I would think the one would have come by now.

Me: So many of my CD/TG friends are with people who don't like a very real part of them...the emotional turmoil they go through because of it is really heartbreaking!
I had a friend show his girlfriend a picture of him en femme to come out to her. She thought he was really cute. They continued to date for a while, eventually they broke up, but not because of his dressing.

I wish I could talk to all the 'girlfriends that don't know' and ease them into the thought of it. CD guys (in my opinion) are just sooooo much easier to deal with than 'regular' guys. You Know what their major quirk is, that secret is gone! If you can deal with that, everything else will be a breeze to get through! And if you tell her & it doesn't work [or she thinks she can’t deal with it], well, you didn't invest TOO much time in a relationship that wouldn't work out in the end anyway

Why is a CD guys so much easier?

Me: More in touch with their feminine side...for example. [Some] Ladies sometimes (or all the times) wanna get their hair/nails etc done, right?

Yes they do.

Me: My ex hubby didn't understand that and to him it was kinda wasted money...his mom had to talk to him about that.

Oh yes we wouldn't mind getting ours done too.

Me: Exactly! No fight no fuss. That's something you can do together! Spa day, hello!

Later we went on to talk about how women may not like to participate in their significant other’s crossdressing. It’s like any other…we’ll say ‘hobby’ for this example. If I dislike something that someone likes to do, that doesn't mean I won't support the person who wants to do it. I may or may not join in on what they like to do. I may or may not be there every time they’re doing whatever it is they’re doing but I’m supportive. If someone I’m with likes table top gaming but I’m not into it. I wouldn’t put them down for it. I might try to play to see if maybe I could get to like it but if I just don’t like to do it myself…it’s just something I don’t like to do. They can continue with it. I might even make snacks to serve to the gamers or hang out and watch/listen to what’s going on.

I hope other people can be like that. If your significant other likes to dress in a way contrary to their gender type, would you be able to support them even if you’re not in to it? Can you help them with their hair and make-up so they can hang with their friends who also like to dress? Will you go to an event with them even though it’s not an event you want to go to all the time just to support them? It’s my hope that sometime soon this will no longer be considered a taboo…maybe even be considered a some-what normal occurrence.

That’s all I have to say for now. I hope you all have a GREAT DAY!!!

I will again be making an appearance at The Original GLBT Expo in NYC this weekend! I will be interviewed in the Video Lounge on Sunday. I’ll Have pictures and my experience from there to share with you soon!


Pirate Pebbs

*Bold Print (for the most part) is my CD friend’s words.
CD= Crossdresser, GG= Genetic Girl=Cis-Gendered Female=Female who was born female and identifies as female.